Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
