apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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