what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
