Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just blew my weed a kiss
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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