so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
