You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
