Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
