i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
