This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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