i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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