You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
