if you like me you must not know who I am
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
