Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
