I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Can I color on your dick again?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
