i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
