the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
