It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
