So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
