he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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