You're so nebulous sometimes
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
