I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize