Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
