she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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