Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
