Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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