it wasn't lemon gatorade
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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