did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
