dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
