Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
