dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
