she smelled like a LAN party
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I AM VODKA MAN
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
