you're like a bully in the Christmas story
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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