homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I think your dad took our porno
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
