2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
