i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
