You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
