Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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