I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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