I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
