The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
soo... how was my night?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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