The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
No stitches, just platelets and will power
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
