I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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