remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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