Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
