You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
