Me too!
I showed him my bush... on skype.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize