She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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