Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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