yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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