She is in my trunk
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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