hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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