dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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