Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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