Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
