Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize