i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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