I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
