perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
