just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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