my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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