im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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