Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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