i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
