So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
